Mel B On Fiance Rory McPhee, you find happiness after the time of darkness (Excl)

Melanie Brown Many things: For most of us, it is a mile b – practical. It is a frightening spice for the group of best -selling girls ever, Girls spices. It’s six season America got talents Favorite fan, and now return to the table of judges. She is the mother of three creative children equally Rorre McVyA man who woke her love that he had not tested before.

More than a decade ago, her life looked completely different. She detailed that dark and painful period in her 2018 memoirs, Brutal. In the autonomy and seeing any other way to go out, Brown tried to take her private life in 2014 by swallowing nearly 200 aspirin. “What were you thinking that the world or your friends and your family will be better without you?” Brown, 49, he says US weekly On that time. “This is the extent in which I was in the whole situation of self -hatred, guilt, and embarrassment.”

Brown eventually found the strength to leave the relationship she was, and in 2019, she returned home to Leeds, England. The following steps: treatment, reconstruction … and happiness! she Planning her dream wedding ceremony While the best #Farmlife has lived in a house for centuries of traditional stone at a distance of 15 acres with goats and more. It takes a welcoming path to join Los Angeles AGT For its twentieth features (NBC, May 27, 8 pm).

More importantly, she uses her voice to help “the largest possible number of women, especially the survivors of abuse”, as sponsors of charity aid to domestic violence. Brown says: “I know myself more and more, especially where I came from, and I feel lack of confidence and is not worthy,” says Brown. “I managed to know my little path to a peaceful place.” The star speaks we About healing after sorrow.

Was the call to return to AGT a silent moment for you?

Oh, definitely, because I am much better. When I was on AGT (From 2013 to 2018), it was a very bad time. It was my little dirty. I didn’t know how to tell anyone. You are very embarrassing, guilty and shame. (But) on these filming days, I must be myself for nine hours. I must really enjoy sitting next to Hui (Mandel), Heidi (Klum) and Simon (Cowell). This time, I Happy on the officeAnd I will be happy to return home because it is a completely different preparation and a script.

She returned to appear in 2024 Fantasy League Spinoff. How does AGT fans respond now after you are all summer?

I hope they are excited because I am really excited. My children are happy. Since I went back to the United Kingdom in 2019, I was like, “I am not a citizen in the United States, so if you want me, you should get an open visa.”

Was it difficult to return after these difficult years?

Everything comes a complete circle. I never thought I would return to the United States, I had some feeling of hair – especially Los Angeles, because I passed a lot and fired here. (But) I fall into love again because it is on my conditions, with a lot of freedom, self -love and self -care.

Have you found operators in the city?

I will operate my entire life, especially after I went through it. I will be very unintended to say, “Oh, everything is fine.” I have good days. I have bad days. I worked on myself to find out if I feel an upcoming operator. I have the tools needed to be able to calm myself, check what is real, and what is not real, what is a post -traumatic disorder and calm myself.

It is very difficult to go forward because you can take two steps forward and five steps back. I know that I am a continuous work, but I have jumped so far-jugs and limits-through treatment, through a lot of self-faith and faith, and I am proud of that.

Years ago, I tried to commit suicide. Do you know even that woman who no longer has hope?

I cannot deny that this is what I went through. This person still exists, and I give it a hug when it stands out from time to time. I will not go to this dark place again. I have the tools to be able to admit it and say “I am sorry” to this person, and I am, and I do not allow myself to feel it. Because I am better than that.

How did “Sisters Girls” on your trip?

Because I was on a tour at the end of my relationship, I felt very guarded. I put such a barrier because I wanted to make sure that I was looking well. It was useful for me to admit it to the girls – then I should admit it myself. Then what? I had no place to rotate. So the girls were there, but I know they felt guilty. I told them before, several times, “It wasn’t about you. Even if I tried to shake me and go,” I know what is happening, “I was denying it because I was not ready to get this awareness already.”

Can you remember the moment of penetration in the treatment?

Find EMDR. (Allergy to the movement of the eye and therapist involves moving your eyes in a specific way while treating painful memories.) Because I did not have to speak. The conversation is to restore it. EMDR relieves this pain without words. For me, it was much more healing than any other treatment.

You are eventually diagnosed with PTSD. What are your strategies to manage it?

I have music. Candles and incense. I like to feel comfortable things because my work, which I love and not really call it, is (fast -paced). I have always been like this, even on my spices: I love to be at home with a fire and watch some (TV). What were I watching the other day that I have not seen before? game of thrones!

How do you move in mental health struggles while you are in the eyes of the public?

I make sure I have mental rivers as I go to Thailand myself. I go to my farm without my phone so that my children or my fiancée cannot contact me unless I reach a (different) field. I allow me to be able to breathe, feel and sit.

It should be incredibly satisfactory to buy your home in Leeds.

I left my relationship with any money barely in the bank and a few idea of ​​the place where my money went. I had to live with my mother (AndreaDuring Covid, which was, looking back, something beautiful because (I) had no place to go. We had to dig deeply and be honest with each other about what I went through and what my mother witnessed. I thought that during most of my relationship, I didn’t want to talk to her or wanted her in my life. Isolation from friends and family is part of the course, and this was something we had to fix.

I didn’t think I would be able to build financial stability, but I worked hard. I have been looking for homes for about four years, thinking, “I will not be able to bear it, but I will continue to search anyway.” This house appeared in time.

What do you say that you learned about yourself through all this?

I am flexible. I do not take things as a Muslim. As long as I am honest with myself and keep my side from the street clean, I am fine. I think women in general are flexible. See, generate, we are multi -task. We can hold a job and be on the phone in doing business affairs, and with children. (We) Make sure to have a packed lunch. We are all.

How did your view of love evolve over the years?

Leave this relationship for 10 years, I was not looking to be another. I was everything about my children, and make sure they were (they) well and on the journey of healing. Rorrei, a beautiful family friend, is a hairdresser, so he was sponsoring curls. When I left my ex -wife, I cut my hair and dyed a blond. I wanted to get rid of anything that made me think of (the relationship). So I like, “Can you come and help me?” In his capacity (Rori) he was grazing curls, he was sparing of my faith with love again and confidence – and this is a big thing for me because the person I loved and reliable turned into the worst mistake I made at all. Even two years ago, I was like, “You can find someone else. I’m very broken.” “Melanie, I will not go anywhere. Because I love you completely.”

What brings your fiancé to your life?

A lot of sympathy and understanding. It is very special. He is a very confident man, and this is for me a man. It makes me feel safe – I didn’t realize how I felt insecure because that became normal for me. While now I have to cut myself and go, “You are very nice. Are you still cute? Can I marry you? Can I trust my own strangers?” And you can.

You have a large coming teacher: May 50 on May 29. Plan?

I am not really a party. I can celebrate, but I always feel that there is a lot of pressure to be happy that day. My father’s birthday was my day before, and I always spent his birthdays with him. He passed in 2017, so I don’t know what will happen for 50 years. The previous day, I am always sad. My father missed.

Do you think anything you will do differently in the fifties of the last century?

I know myself more and more. I really had to work on it, and I will work on it for the rest of my life. I am always developed. i love myself. 50, although it is a big thing, I love, bring it.

What is the only thing that you did not want to do in this contract?

I think I did a lot, and unexpectedly. I am very grateful for that. At some point, I want to create my own institution (to help women, especially survivors of abuse).

While Brown works widely with the help of women (Womensaid.org.uk) abroad, you can find resources and support in the United States via the National Violence Hotline (1-800-799-safe or Thehotline.org))

To learn more about Brown, watch the exclusive video above and choose The last issue of US weekly – On news stalls now.