I feel that the life I went through before the war was formed everything

Hania El -Gammal says: “I do not think that God intended to live people in the late twenties with their parents.”

She hangs over the balcony of the small apartment where she lives with her mother and her father and five great brothers – because she is the only place that you can get any peace and calm.

Two years ago, 28 -year -old Hania was working as an English teacher and lived in her own apartment. She was applying for colleges in the United States to take a master’s degree in international development, and on a scholarship path to pay for her. Things were going well – but life is now different.

Like most days, Sunday starts with the morning coffee on the balcony, while Hania watches her neighbor, a man in his seventies, carefully tends to herbs, seedlings and plants in his garden ranked, across the road from a blown building.

“It seems to be the purest forms of resistance,” says Hania. “In the middle of all this horror and uncertainty, it still finds time to grow something – and there is a very beautiful thing about it.”

Hania lives in Deir Al -Bala, a town in the center of Gaza, 25 miles from the land in the southeastern corner of the Mediterranean Sea, which was a war area since October 2023. I recorded audio notes that I shared with the BBC for a radio documentary film About what life is there.

The school where she studied was closed when the war began. Hania became a teacher without students or a school, and her feeling of those who were slipping through her fingers.

“It is very difficult to find the purpose at this time, and find a kind of condolence or meaning with the collapse of your entire world.”

The Hanya apartment participates with her family is her fifth home since the war started. The United Nations is estimated at 90 % of the invaders by the war – several times. Most Ghazan now lives in temporary shelters.

On Monday, Hania woke up in bed at 2 am.

“There was a truly close explosion of that, then it followed it again, and three,” it was very loud and very frightening, “she says. I tried to calm myself to sleep. “

The Israeli government says that its military action in Gaza aims to destroy the capabilities of Hamas, which describes itself as an Islamic resistance movement. A terrorist organization was appointed by the United Kingdom, the United States, Israel, and others.

The military action of Israel began after the Palestinian armed groups from Gaza, led by Hamas, attacked Israel on October 7, 2023, killing about 1,200 people, most of them civilians, and took 251 hostages.

Until now, the Israeli army has killed more than 56,000 people in the conflict – the majority of civilians – according to the Gaza Ministry of Health, which is run by Hamas. Israel currently does not allow international journalists to report freely from Gaza.

Hanya works in an assistant organization called Action for Humanity and spends today in one of their projects. A group of girls wearing white shirts and with Keffiyehs associated with their waist, performing a dance and then participating in a group treatment session.

One talks about what he means to lose your home, and others talk about losing their property, friends and someone who loves him. Then one suddenly begins to cry and everyone is silent. The teaching assistant takes the girl away to her comfort separately.

“One of them told me that she lost both parents,” says Hania.

On Tuesday, Hania is watching five colored natural planes in the sky of her balcony.

“I love kites – they are like an active hope.” “Every kite is two children there trying to eat a normal childhood in the midst of all this.”

She says that seeing her flying kites make a nice change in drones and “killings” that Hania used to see over her apartment. But later in the evening, the “Night Orchestra” of the nearby drones begins to start in the dismissed stadiums. She describes the voice they make as “psychological torture”.

“Sometimes, you cannot even listen to your thoughts,” she says. “It is somewhat reminding that they are watching there, waiting, and ready to pounce.”

On Thursday morning, Hania listens loudly, a fixed shooting and wondering what it might. Maybe theft. Perhaps the grass war between families. Perhaps someone is defending a warehouse.

She spends most of the day in bed. She feels dizzy every time she tries to wake up and put her on the effect of fasting before the day of the day, when she already suffers from malnutrition.

Hania says that the lack of control of what she eats – and the rest of her life – has a great psychological effect.

“You cannot control anything – not even your thoughts, not even your well -being, not even who you are,” she says. “It took me some time to accept the fact that I was no longer the person who introduced him to myself.”

The school in which Hania used to teach was destroyed, and the idea of ​​studying abroad appears very far away.

“I felt as if I was drowning, like all these things were compensated. Just as none of them was true,” says Hania.

The next morning, Hania wakes up to the sound of birds and calls for prayer.

It is the first day of Eid, when her father was usually sacrificed with sheep and they were sharing the meat with the needy and their relatives. But her family does not have the means of travel now and there is no animal to sacrifice anyway.

“All Gaza population has not eaten any kind of protein, outside the canned Fava pills, for a period of three months so far,” she says.

The Hania family discovers that one of her cousins ​​was killed while trying to get help.

“To be honest, I did not know him well, but it is the general tragedy of a hungry person, looking for food and release in the very slow process,” she says.

There have been multiple shootings and hundreds of deaths reported at or near aid distribution points in recent weeks. The conditions are disputed and difficult to verify without being able to report freely in Gaza.

Hania knows at least 10 people who lost their lives during the war. This number includes many of its students and colleagues who were involved a month before the war began. She was at the same age Hania and shared her ambition.

Hanya updates her CV to remove her college professor’s name. Her rule and teacher was in writing – but he died now.

“It is a great thing when someone tells you to see you, believe in you, and bet on you,” she says.

Hania does not believe that she is sad for any of these people properly, and she says that she feels that she must legalize her emotions if any of her close family is injured.

“Sadness is a luxury that many of us cannot bear.”

Duke screams at the beginning of another new day, and takes a pink dawn and beautiful blue from the balcony. She says that she usually developed an electrode.

“It is extremely difficult to find beauty in Gaza anymore,” Hania says.

“The only thing in the sky is that it gives you colors and a rest period of beauty that the earth lacks.”