I am a psychologist who studies husbands – what people fight more in relationships

until The happiest couples End the conflict. But what they are fighting about reveals a lot about what is missing in the relationship.

your The psychologist who studies husbandsI found that there are some similar topics that appear again and again. The first step to resolve conflicts is to know what these topics are.

According to Yugov A poll conducted on 1,000 American adults, based on my research, here are the most common reasons that husbands fight – and psychology behind them.

1. The tone of the voice or the position

The tone or sour position-a slightly raised voice, a satirical suspension, or a medium eye conversation-is to a large extent the most common cause of husbands. For the person who displays it, it may not seem big. But to the partner on the recipient, it strikes a direct nerve because it indicates contempt.

In marital researchDisdain is one of the most reliable forecast for divorce. Unlike public criticism or dye (emotionally closing), contempt hides itself with non -verbal gestures and body language.

How to overcome it: Resistance of motivation to decline. Fire fighting with fire never works, so try to name the effect instead: “I felt wandering. Can we try again?” This gives your partner an opportunity to correct the course, and does not escalate things immediately.

If you are the person who offers a tone, check with yourself before you say anything more. Do you feel hearing? frustrated? laden? Determining what is going on is the contempt for the first step to express yourself without harming the relationship.

2. Family relations

The arguments on family relationships often reflect a basic imbalance and unparalleled needs.

One of the partners may feel lack of support or marginalization, especially if it seems that their husband is behind the defense of their family. In situations involved in children, arguments are usually wandering to valuable clashes – where each partner feels as if the basic paternity and motherhood beliefs are rejected.

No partner is “correct” or “wrong” in these scenarios. In fact, they are more likely looking for the exact thing: a person next to them.

How to overcome it: A good place to start is to reassure each other. For example: “I love my family, but you are still my partner. How can we find a solution that meets our needs and values?”

Then talk about your limits as one team: What do you do when crossing the line, or how to show solidarity in front of others (even when you do not agree on).

3. Homework

People are often assumed that the arguments related to household chores revolve around the work itself – the remaining dishes in the pelvis, the laundry accumulation, and the garbage that has never been released. But if this is true, these problems will be fixed quickly with a simple routine action scheme.

Instead, the real problem is the distribution of unequal work. according to researchOne partner in the relationship usually acquires the bulk of homework. But they not only fold clothes and cook meals, but also run the appointments, coordinate bills and maintain the signs of mental tabs on everyone’s welfare but.

This “invisible pregnancy” goes significantly unrecognized, and this lack of recognition usually begins to fight.

How to overcome it: This dynamic can often be changed if the load is loudly called. Even I just say, “I didn’t realize how much I was holding, thank you,” gives your partner the confession they needed to hear.

From there, work together to redistribute tasks in a way that looks sustainable. Justice will not look like a 50/50 division every day, but you should feel something you have a hand.

4. Communication patterns

This is one of the most arguments for navigation. In many cases, by the time the husbands argue around them how They talk to each other, and the original issue has already lost in the translation.

For example, one partner feels annoying of an unfair distribution of household chores, or they feel frustrated with how they deal with her foals. But when these concerns are presented, research It appears that they can get out quickly from bars when the other participates with them inefered – or with hostility.

If the conversation is met with defense, criticism or chest, the battle will turn its concentration from the initial issue. Instead, it becomes a matter of bad conversation.

How to overcome it: One of the simple strategy used by successful couples is “”The second five rule: They have a dedicated word or phrase that indicates: “We are rising, let’s take a deadline. “

When you return to the conversation, try to see a face to a face before continuing to get rid of your grievances: “I want to understand why you are upset, and I want you to understand the same for me. You share your side, then I will share me.”

Mark TraffrozPhD, is a psychologist specializing in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and Colorado Bulder. He is the main psychologist in WakeA company from the availability of psychotherapy online, consulting and training. He is also the coordinator of the mental health and well -being site, Therapytips.org.

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