Two people hold on a table, convey a feeling of comfort and rapprochement in a comfortable environment.
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When the former astronomer Andy Bayron and the company’s human resources head was arrested while hugging Gomboptron during a concert, the moral condemnation followed a collective question: Why do they risk their families and their professions to try?
As an executive consultant and a treating couple, I often spend my days sitting from clients who think or already participate in similar situations. Most of them are not aggressors, narcissists, or sex addicts who participate in serial fraud. They are good people: the diligent, kind, and devoted to their professions and their families.
So, what makes a person – even a person who swears that he will never cheat – suddenly cross the edge and risk everything for an affair?
Humans wireless people want to agree with others, and as social beings, our survival depends often on. We “go with flow”, suppress our emotions to please those around us.
But like a spring that becomes a more tightly wound with every year it passes, this can quietly put the basic work of violent apostasy.
Below are five amazingly common psychological defects that can make someone risk everything for an affair.
1. Always “good”
Many of my clients who have participated in the affairs outside the framework of marriage have always considered themselves “well”. They listened to their parents, studied hard, landed a profitable job, married, gave birth to children, and followed all societal expectations of the message.
For them, love and acceptance in childhood has been associated with achievement, and they often reach middle age without having a clear feeling of those who are really. When the feeling of uncomfortable begins that “something missing” inevitably begins to appear, they sometimes turn into an affair in an attempt to fill the void.
2. Being perfect
It is not surprising that perfection is a feature that I see in almost all my high customers. But perfection is often a response to shock. Children are often believed in volatile environments or those who suffer from inconsistent approval that doing everything completely will keep them safe.
Over time, they became tired of impossible to impose impossible standards on themselves and those around them. When you give up a relationship with what, they may surrender suddenly to try to be perfect and double in the opposite direction.
For them, the illegal relationship can feel free from their unrealistic expectations – an ointment that reduces the hardness that has put their lives.
3. The presence of bad limits
Persons with weak borders often had parents who were unable in one way or another – through addiction, poverty, a feeling of exhaustion or simple ripening – and the role of providing emotional stability at home on their small shoulders.
The accredited children draw their sense of value from expecting and successfully meeting the needs of others. But in the end, they began to feel resenting the people who help. “
When he touches a relationship, they justify her by telling them that they spent their entire lives giving others, and now it is time to do something for themselves only.
4. Be in an abusive or emotional marriage
As the famous couples therapist indicates, Esther Pearl notes in her book “The State: Rathinking Kingidelity”, the victim of the case is not always a victim of the relationship.
Some of my clients participate in affairs after years of physical, emotional or verbal abuse. The secret relationship can be unexpected but welcomed by contracts of uncommon treatment.
It can also be a form of unconscious revenge, a decision to detonate the relationship once and forever in an attempt to save himself. There is no return back as soon as an affair is exposed, and the burned land provides them with an opportunity to start again.
5. They have recently suffered a loss
One of the first questions I ask clients who think about a relationship with whether they have lost someone or anything close to it recently. Sadness is an incentive, and it is often the death of one of the parents that leads to reassessing current relationships and priorities.
During this period of re -evaluation, the boundary becomes more permeable, which sometimes allows a party outside of marriage to reach.
After the case
Nobel Albert Showtzer was quoted as saying: “In everyone’s life, at some point, our inner fire comes out. Then the flame explodes through a meeting with another person. “
It is this extreme feeling of emotional enlightenment that makes many feel that an affair is worth the risk of everything they can before. Their view of the world is narrowing until every aspect of their lives diminishes outside the Affair partner in their vision. Only in the past, things are settled again in their right scope and the situation can be viewed objectively.
For some husbands, the relationship can lead to a marriage marriage that was already running his path. For others, self -reflection and re -negotiation can cause union conditions, allowing them to appear stronger and better than before.
Professionally, the consequences can be a professional and irreversible change in them.
Learn how to defend yourself before you reach any emotional breaking point is a personal and professional great power.
Lisa Oak He is a former host of CNBC Asia Squawk box. It is now a Media coach, Executive AdviserAnd the host Being human podcast. Lisa holds a master’s degree in both the press and consulting. Its articles focus on executive mental health, leadership and effective communication.
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