Allison Holker reveals Twitch’s painful hidden secrets

Following her husband Steven ‘tWitch’ BossHis tragic passing in December 2022, Allison Holker She opened up about the painful truths she discovered while searching for answers in his journals.

Hoping to find clarity—and some semblance of closure—Allison Holker uncovers deeply buried conflicts that even those closest to Steven ‘tWitch’ Boss never knew.

In the months before his death, Holker noticed subtle but troubling changes in Boss’s behavior: He was withdrawn, less focused on self-care, and was smoking more frequently. Although he admitted to feeling frustrated, she remembers that he was “very careful with his wording,” hiding the full extent of his pain even from her.

“He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and deal with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put them on anyone because he loved everyone so much,” Holker said. People magazine In a new interview before Her new memoirs are published.

Among the painful entries, Boss alluded to being sexually assaulted by a male figure during his childhood, a trauma he carried silently throughout his life. “He did not want others to bear his pain,” she added.

While these revelations initially left Holker feeling betrayed, time gave her a broader perspective. “Reading Stephen’s diaries, and even going back to the books he read and the things he would highlight and highlight, really gave me a better perspective on where he was in life and the kind of things he was struggling with,” she said. . “It made me feel so much compassion for him and sadness for all the pain he was going through.”

Holker’s decision to share these intimate struggles comes from a place of deep purpose. She hopes her weakness is as well Saving even one person from suffering in silence. “It’s hard to think that he’s never opened up to someone and wanted to confront them and come forward on the other side. I really hope people who are dealing with the same thing can help themselves come out of the shadows and (know) that you’re going to be okay.”

In the wake of her husband’s death, Holker channels her grief into a mission of supporting others dealing with trauma and loss. She recently revealed plans to release a memoir titled This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, which is scheduled to be published next month.

“I would sit in my pool or in my hot tub and talk to Stephen all the time (after he died). I would be mad at him, or happy at him, or just going through the memories,” Holker recalls. “One night when I was really angry, I forgave him, and I thought about how many people were probably waiting for that moment I just had.”

This realization prompted her to return to her memoirs, determined to create something that might guide others through their darkest hours. “I don’t want people to feel when they read it that I’m their therapist. I’m not educated in this world, but I had this really traumatic thing happen in my life that made me realize what I was really doing. It’s really important for me to keep going.”

Holker hopes her story can serve as a lifeline to those who feel alone in their struggles. “It’s given me more focus and more purpose, and I really hope I can be an advocate and a voice for people who feel alone or left out.”

In December 2022, Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss checked into the Oak Tree Inn, located less than a mile from his home in Los Angeles. He left his phone on airplane mode and his car at home, took an Uber to the hotel with a small bag and booked an overnight stay.

Hotel staff reported that Boss appeared calm and unfazed during check-in. However, when he failed to check out the next morning, staff discovered him dead in his room from a gunshot wound to the head.

The authorities later revealed this The president left a suicide notereferring to “past challenges.” While the exact contents of the note remained private, it served as sobering confirmation of the silent battles he was fighting.

Allison Holker’s story is not just one of loss, but one of resilience, advocacy, and hope. Through her memoir and ongoing efforts to raise awareness about mental health, she is determined to make sure others know they are not alone.

“If sharing Stephen’s story can help even one person step out of the shadows and seek help, his legacy will continue to shine,” she said.

By sharing her grief and her husband’s hidden struggles, Holker hopes to honor Twitch’s memory while highlighting the importance of openness, healing, and connection.